Intervention Tool

Think about his/her drinking behaviour, does it make you feel unsafe in any way?

Here are a few examples, but this is not an exhaustive list. There are many more and your concerns may be quite different.

Aggression and violence are the most obvious examples as some drinkers can be very aggressive and/or violent when they drink. The majority of assaults that come to court and/or accident and emergency are fuelled by alcohol, as are most domestic disputes. Casual remarks, discussions or arguments can escalate dramatically when alcohol is involved. Of course by no means all drinkers are aggressive and/or violent and if this is not a concern for you, great.

Childcare under the influence. For those of you who have children leaving them with an intoxicated partner, or more likely one who becomes intoxicated while in charge of the children, is a real concern.

Driving while under the influence is also common in problem drinking. If your drinker tends to do this while alone then it is an obvious concern. It is an increased concern if there are children in the car, or yourself.

Cooking while under the influence is another problem. Many domestic fires are caused by frying pans or pans of oil being left on a stove unattended by someone cooking while intoxicated.

Smoking while intoxicated is another cause of fires that is fortunately reducing in frequency. Nevertheless if your drinker is a smoker it is probably a real issue particularly if he smokes in bed or falls asleep in a chair.

Your safety concerns may involve some or all of the above examples. Alternately none of these may be a concern to you and you may have quite different concerns entirely. Whatever your concerns write them down in the form of a list and be specific. The more specific you are the easier it is to have a conversation about these issues.

How is her/his drinking affecting your Health?

Someone drinking constantly or on a regular basis can take its toll on both the physical and mental health of others. How is it affecting you or others who live with you?

Some examples might be

High levels of anxiety are often associated with living with a problem drinker. The unpredictability of whether or not they will drink and whether or not they will get drunk and what they will do. Living with that sort of pressure can lead to anxiety and may even lead the partner of the drinker to asking their family doctor for sedatives.

You may find that your level of anxiety is high, that you can't sleep or eat. Alternately you may find that you are depressed and that you are tired and sleepy much of the time and/or that you are eating for comfort. So your weight may be dropping or increasing rapidly.

You may feel worn out, especially if you have taken on extra work to cope

You may have high levels of anxiety, irritability, mood swings all of which can be linked to the uncertainty inherent in living with a drinker.

Your self esteem is probably suffering and you feel indecisive and unsure of yourself.

Finally your levels of concentration and attention are probably suffering.

However it is not just your mental health that may suffer, the problems can also be physical. You may find that you have more colds, infections rashes and that generally you don't feel well. Or you may find that you do not recover from seasonal illnesses as easily or quickly as you once did.

Your blood pressure may be raised and you may have occasional and worrying chest pains or breathlessness. You may feel cramps and pains in your body or twitches and pins and needles in your limbs. You may feel sluggish and have difficulty doing things that were once easily achieved. Finally you may have sexual difficulties such as erectile dysfunction or loss of desire.

The drinking may be having an effect on the children's health.

You may find that they are anxious, nervous, withdrawn. They may have started bedwetting. Their education may be affected. Their mood, and general behaviour may be deteriorating and they may be withdrawn

How is her/his drinking affecting your Ambition?

We all have dreams, ambitions and aspirations about our future as individuals and, if appropriate, as a family. These dreams and aspirations can be affected and even shattered by alcohol. The shared dreams of marriage especially are casualties of drinking and perhaps also the dreams for the children.

Write down anything that you feel alcohol, or his/her drinking has robbed you of or denied you. Your ambitions may involve money, possessions, bigger house, clothes, car, holidays. As we know drinking can seriously affect earning power. Jobs can be lost through poor performance, absenteeism or disruptive behaviour. Promotions or career advancements can be closed to a drinker who can become more resentful as she sees 'inferior' colleagues get promoted over her.

Even if you have a regular income, it can be frittered away on alcohol. It can take a considerable amount of money to sustain a heavy drinking career and that cost competes with any other routes or ambitions you may have.

It also takes time and energy to sustain heavy drinking, so the dream of starting a business, participating in a project, studying a course, emigrating to a new life can all be lost. Sometimes they are lost dramatically sometimes they just wither and die over time. Either way can be painful and bitter.

It is not only the drinkers dreams or shared dreams that suffer, your own personal dreams of hobbies, career, business, education and social status may suffer in the drinking.

How is her/his drinking affecting your Relationships?

Unfortunately relationships are frequent casualties of heavy drinking. Often, as the drinking increases, all relationships, for example marriage or partnerships, relationships with children, siblings, parents and friends suffer. This is both common and unfortunate. Unfortunate, as the drinker starts to feel increasingly isolated and marginalised. This can lead to even more drinking to compensate, which leads to more relationship problems that leads to more isolation that leads to more

drinking. However as she drinks more and her behaviour becomes more unpredictable you probably find yourself withdrawing from the very people who might help you most; your friends.

Embarrassment, shame even guilt may stop you talking to your friends. As you try harder to cover up his drinking it becomes harder to face your friends and lie to them, telling them everything is OK.

If you have children, you may feel that you have become more of a single parent as you become tied to the house looking Drinking them. Even having baby sitters may not be the answer as the embarrassment of him getting drunk may prevent you from asking anyone.

However the if the drinker is your partner, husband or wife, then the biggest casualty of the drinking is that relationship.

You probably find your feelings of love, respect, pride evaporating and sometimes being replaced by contempt, fear, loathing, distrust even hate.

You may feel guilty about these negative feelings, and powerless to do anything about it as the relationship with yourself suffers.

So what relationships have suffered due to his drinking, your immediate family, children, your parents, her parents, your siblings, your friends, neighbours.

Write all these damaged relationships down in your list.

How is her/his drinking affecting your Environment?

Your environment is your immediate surroundings, your home.

Do you feel that this is suffering due to her drinking. Is the fabric of the home suffering, for example has the hygiene deterioScored?

Have the repairs not been done or old worn out items replaced? Is it being damaged carelessly or wilfully? Is the drink staining the carpets? Are things being broken? Are there cigarette burns on the furniture?

Also your home should be the place where you feel peaceful and safe. Does your home have a sense of peace and safety?

Have you had to move house because of his drinking?

Are you living the way you want to live?